In theory, I have some work this week...it's just that it's going to be very last minute if it does show up. This means I'm sitting in my flat idling away hours - which is an activity I find difficult. Letting time go without making use of it I object to. Nothing should be undertaken with the sole aim of 'passing the time'. 'Resting', that's different. That has a purpose. It's a gap between doing things, recuperation and preparation and all of that. I've DONE that, now. I've been to Cornwall and exercised and read trashy novels and slept a lot. I've had the holiday. I now want Tasks and Projects. I'd like to go to Jersey and visit Eleanor (school friend), who has achieved possibly the most jammy junior doctor posting in the country, but I can't because I don't want to miss my opportunity to do Constructive Work...even if it is data analysis for comms companies as opposed to anything really worthy. I'm planning Dublin to see Elaine in January, partly with the aim of persuading her we should be housemates in London. But that's AGES away.
I started making the above jumper a good year ago. Ages and ages. Like, the last time Eleanor was in Cornwall and we went to the Isles of Scilly - which was Sept 2008. AGES. In fairness, I have been a little busy since then and I made a large mistake that meant I had to re-do a load of it. It is a measure of how little I've had to do recently that it's about half as big again today as it was two weeks ago. Lots of Time Team and train journeys have contributed, and it IS good that it's getting further and further along, but it's a mark of the fact that I haven't been doing any writing - which is something I was bookmarking this patch of time for. I had been looking forward to a concerted period of writing poems, to really try and practice that and see if I can't improve and expand what I do. I have no great pretensions, I think, to much in the way of grandeur for my writing, but the poetry is the bit that I'd most like to develop...only I'm very shy about it. Posting bits and pieces on here is one thing. If people read them, they rarely if ever comment; I never know what they think. I'm not brave enough to actually ask (this still isn't me asking, but if any of my ~10 readers ever had a comment about anything I have ever written I am *always* interested in it) - there's a small part of me that *likes* not knowing if people skip over them, or read them and think nothing of them, or read them and just think they're angsty and lacking in any real skill with it. So. I have been planning that I might to put together maybe 20 poems that I like enough to actually *ask* for responses about. ...But now it comes to it? I haven't got the energy to start. There are reasons, I suspect, to do with feeling unsettled and uncertain about the future right now - I haven't even done much in the way of diary entry writing, which is weird for me. It's just not helpful...I'm not going to get an opportunity like this again. I intend to change this.
The SoD was always the boundary to my holiday. Having had the weekend to recover from that (and I needed that...I was hoping that hangovers would get easier with age, but it turns out they just get worse), Playtime Stops Now.
The plan, then. I am NOT going to waste this chance. I am going to structure my time. Yes. I am going to get up at a sensible time, and go to bed at a sensible time. I'm not usually too bad at those, I'm just bad at actually sleeping when I'm *in* my bed.* Therefore, I am going to drink less caffeinated tea (I drink very little of that anyway, but my favourite right now does actually have enough in that it affects me - I'm migrating to fennel tea instead, which looks even MORE like wee in the cup, but tastes great and only involves fennel seeds), drink less whisk(e)y and go running every day. This will generate some energy levels and not be bad either for my weight or my fitness. And I am only going to watch telly after 6pm. This was a rule my mother used to insist on when we were teenagers, and it still feels naughty to watch things during the day, despite the fact that I am still just about young enough to still glory in the rebellion. I am either going to Read Improving Books (Alice in Wonderland counts), or write, for most of the day. I know that I have long been harbouring an ambition to watch all sixteen series of Time Team all the way through, but it's not that constructive a proposition unless I ever actually MEET Tony Robinson (I would LOVE to meet Tony Robinson in person - I wonder if he's at all a nice guy? He's certainly done a lot with his life).
...writing this here is by way of spurring myself to fulfill it. If I write my plans down, particularly somewhere public, this will hopefully mean I carry them out. Let us see...
*Ha ha. Yes. Thank you for the funny joke. Am single, recall. It's just that I'm a light sleeper.